Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
