I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
