I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
