If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
