you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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