I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
