We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
