I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
