Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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