i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
