Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
