the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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