I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
