Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need a beard to bite.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
