got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
