Cold hands, warm shart.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
