make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
