Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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