dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
