she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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