maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
