are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
