I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
