Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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