Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I could make wine with my vomit
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is that strawberry winking at me??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
