Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think people are normalizing furries
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
