Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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