they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
