So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
