Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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