Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
