I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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