I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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