Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
