is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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