I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
