I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
