they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
