i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.