He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
third nipple confirmed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.