I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.