Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌