I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
