Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary