he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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