I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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