She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
