Don't make out with my wife yet
It's Friday. Sex?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
