last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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