The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
