i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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