Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
