Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
