If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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