Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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