I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
