Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
