I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
