honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
