Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
