im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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