You're my little dorito
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
