omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
