No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
