I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
