My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
