just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.