We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?