Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours