i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor