I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck