Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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