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just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
