she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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