I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
