you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am available for nakedness
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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