mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
