So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
