I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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